This week I had originally planned to write about my favorite running kit and gear. Instead all I can write about is how I’m filled with doubt and stress. With just two weeks to go, when the training is getting really hard, I am wondering if I can even do this at all.
I ran a half marathon on Sunday as a “practice race” and I felt like it went horribly wrong. Despite having logged hundreds of kilometers, my legs ached and mentally I just could not find the will to run the whole thing. I just wanted to stop by the side of the road and have a good cry. I’d hoped all my training would lead to a personal best and a sub two-hour time. Instead, I finished almost five minutes slower than my previous half marathon. So while I did manage to sprint across the finish, I felt like I’d failed.
And I wondered how on earth I was going to complete twice this distance in a mere two weeks.
The mental strain of starting school, organizing birthday parties, worrying about ill family, traveling abroad for work, moving house, and just plain keeping up the training has taken its toll over the past few weeks. And I know I’m struggling to hold it all together and am certain this is affecting my running. Deep down I know it wasn’t my legs or my lungs that failed me in Sunday’s half marathon, it was my mind.
So where do I go from here?
Take a deep breath, try to regain focus, and think about how amazing it will be to run through the Brandenburg Gate. Try to reboot and remember to just take one day at a time. And maybe book a girls spa weekend when it’s all over.
Fellow marathon runners, have you ever been full of doubt so close to the race? And how did you get past it?
SHANTARAM Countdown: 9 hours 15 minutes