Soul Searching

10 Things

Today marks the start of another year of life for me on this big planet, my 43rd year.  When did I get this “old” inching closer and closer to middle-aged?  I try think back to when I was a kid and my parents were the same age I am now.  They seemed so mature and grown up and I couldn’t imagine being as old as 43, that was just so far away.

But it’s here now and I’m glad it is because, as my grandmother always used to say, “it’s better than the alternative.”  I don’t really feel old, maybe chasing a two-year old around at this stage keeps me young.  In many ways I don’t feel like I’ve changed.  I haven’t suddenly started listening exclusively to classical music and still enjoy keeping up with the latest hits.  But these days expensive red wine fills my glass instead of cheap keg beer, even if one or two glasses are more than enough.  And, I’ve got plenty of fine lines and grey hair and need glasses or contacts to see pretty much anything further than a foot away from my face.  Thank goodness for the miracles of refraction and hair color.

Even now though, as I’m effectively in my third “career,” I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I’m still searching for meaning and passion and the things that get me excited about getting up in the morning. The good news is that with age comes knowing that you don’t have to decide at the age of 20 or 30 or 40 what you want to do for the rest of your life.  There is always time to learn and grow and change.

And so to mark the beginning of a new year, I thought I’d share a few things that maybe you don’t know about me.

  1. Me and exercise, it’s a roller-coaster relationship.  I’ll go for a year without doing a thing and then train up for some goal like a 10K run or a 150 mile charity bike ride.  But I struggle to make it part of my every day life.
  2. Getting jiggy with it on the dance floor until you work up a sweat.  That’s some great exercise and great fun.
  3. In my imagination I’m a really good cook.  But in reality, my execution is just never really quite there. However, I can cook an amazing chili and am a whiz at clean-up duty.  So if anyone wants to come over and do all the cooking, I’ll do all the cleaning.
  4. I’m afraid to travel anywhere there might be questionable sanitation or access to toilets, certainly a side effect of the Crohn’s.  I feel the same about camping, staying over at other people’s houses, and sharing hotel rooms with friends.
  5. Madonna is one of my favorite artists and I’m not ashamed to say it.  I’ve been with her since the beginning, since the 80s when I tried to dress like her.  And whether you like her or not, you can’t deny that she’s a strong independent woman who’s not afraid to speak her mind and re-invent herself.
  6. I worry every day that I’m not a good enough parent, partner, friend, daughter, you name it.
  7. I have walked on fire.  I have walked barefoot across a bed of hot coals at a corporate team building event. It makes me wonder, how can I do stuff like this yet not trust the courage of my own convictions on a daily basis?
  8. I love movies and am a total sucker for a good romantic comedy.  Horror movies, not so much.  Refuse to watch them.
  9. I’m not afraid of public speaking in front of a large groups of people.  But put me at a dinner party and I’ll be completely overwhelmed by bigger personalities.  Being quiet and reserved doesn’t mean I’m unfriendly, I’m just introverted and shy.  It takes a while, and maybe a couple of drinks, to pull me out of my shell.
  10. After failed attempts at IVF, my little man arrived the natural way in my 40th year.  Among other things, that’s why he’s my little miracle.  Something I never thought would happen.
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16 Comments

  • Reply Paula April 10, 2012 at 10:57 am

    1. I love the purple tennis shoes.
    2. I don’t feel as old as I am either.
    3. I’m glad there is someone else in the world who doesn’t care for horror movies. For whatever reason, I can read horror-based fiction, but hate horror movies.
    and finally:

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

    • Reply katherine April 10, 2012 at 9:58 pm

      The worst thing about the horror movies is that my other half LOVES them and watches them all the time. I just have to leave the room. I love the name of your blog!

  • Reply KtMac April 10, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    We have the same shoes. Clearly we are meant to be online friends! Also, you are amazing for having been bold and brave enough to walk on fire. Don’t doubt yourself!

    • Reply katherine April 10, 2012 at 9:59 pm

      LOVE my purple shoes! A birthday treat to myself. Thanks for the encouragement. xx

  • Reply Mom April 10, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    A very Happy Birthday to my miracle child! My life would not be worthwhile without you!
    I wish you smiles and love and sunshine today & always!

  • Reply G'ma Honey April 10, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL “REFLECTION”………and Happy Birthday…….your life journey has been certainly varied….and interesting…..and with Little Monkey’s arrival unexpectedly miraculous !!!!! Just enjoy each day and don’t let the times of “doubt” linger……..in my 80th year, I still don’t know what I want to “BE”, but love all the “wheres” I’ve been and am so thankful for the joy of YOU and all the other family in my life……..our George was, and is, a great inspiration to “taste the day” so we’ll just keep on doing that…okay?????? Much love , always from me……..

  • Reply Amanda April 10, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    Happy Birthday Katherine. I love these insights about you, the only one I’m surprised by is 6. Certainly from what I’ve known of you these last few years, you are a great friend and Mummy so dont worry…I’m so glad you’re here in the UK even though I bet your family wish you were in the US! Have a fab day. Axxx

    • Reply katherine April 10, 2012 at 10:09 pm

      Thanks love. We must catch up when you’re back from holiday! Kxxx

  • Reply Mary Murnane April 11, 2012 at 4:35 am

    Happy Birthday, Katherine! Such a lovely post and the photo is great—gorgeous colors!

    • Reply katherine April 16, 2012 at 10:21 pm

      Thanks Mary!

  • Reply Ginger April 11, 2012 at 5:35 am

    Happy birthday!

    • Reply katherine April 16, 2012 at 10:20 pm

      Thanks!

  • Reply Cathy Panebianco April 12, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    Loving your blog – been reading all the entries from Blogging from the Heart – love your voice and I can totally relate! I especially love your iPhone photos really cool!

    • Reply katherine April 16, 2012 at 10:20 pm

      Cathy so glad you stopped by. Wasn’t that an amazing class?

  • Reply jojo April 13, 2012 at 10:42 pm

    oh goodness! i could have written that whole intro (tho one year older) — i SO could have written it!!
    i also share your #1 #2 and COMPLETELY #3 🙂 i can whip any kitchen into order (after the cooking). i love movies and i am still working at #10 — hooray for your two-year old (miracle!!)

    • Reply katherine April 16, 2012 at 10:18 pm

      Oh the cooking thing! I try so hard… Crossing my fingers for your #10.

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